Caesar’s assassination
The written history of Caesar’s assassination, by Suetonius, appears to be yet another pun-encrypted story. Amazingly, it seems to tell the actual story of the assassination, i.e. how the ancient spooks prepared and enacted the hoax!
Introduction
Miles has already written an excellent article about Julius Caesar. He does a very good job of exposing the public image of Caesar as the usual self-contradictory lies. Like pretty much all famous rulers, Caesar was simply a silly, lazy boy from an ultra-rich family, with an unearned career straight to the top as a birth privilege.
Miles also points out several contradictions in the story, which prove that Caesar’s famous assassination must be fake:
- Caesar wrote his will in advance, so he must have planned his retirement.
- The official causes why he supposedly angered his peers are ridiculous.
- The assassins unsuccessfully tried to recruit Mark Anthony, Caesar’s second in command, which is too stupid to be true.
- No ruler moves around without a host of bodyguards.
- Mark Antony decided not to persecute the assassins.
Miles left out my favorite contradiction: Powerful people don’t do things themselves! Not only is it dangerous for them to personally attack anyone. But as palace-bred imbeciles, they’re the least competent persons to carry through any physical operation. If real rulers wanted to kill anyone, especially a peer, they’d use their insane wealth to employ teams of professional assassins. Since in Ceasar’s story, the other aristocrats attack & kill him themselves, it must be made-up nonsense!
Miles even detected a pun in the translation, which still works in English: A soothsayer called Spurinna allegedly warned Caesar about his assassination. That name puns with “spurious”, i.e. fake. I therefore decided to look at the Latin text, to find more of these puns.
English-speaking readers will be familiar with many Latin loanwords, and may have an easier time to form their own opinion here. As a heavily inflected language, Latin seems to have its own punny rules: Encryption words still have to be similar consonant-wise, but often they are only similar in some inflections. It may be the inflections used in the text, but not always. Often, the decrypted sentence is then grammatically wrong.
Content-wise, I also found that Roman histories may be different than the Biblical texts I decrypted before. There, readers were often disappointed & disinterested in the results. They’d expected the secret story to reveal “what really happened”. Instead, it was usually a parable, about a completely different topic. But some Roman texts, judging from this snippet, seem to describe actual people & events. Probably not very truthful, but apparently they do reveal “what really happened”, i.e. that everything was made-up, faked & staged!
- Suetonius describes how several omens led up to Ceasar’s assassination. These are pun-encryptions for the preparations the ancient spooks undertook for this big fake event!
- About the assassination itself, there’s minute descriptions of which attacker struck Caesar from which side. These are pun-encryptions for how they blocked the view, and used the theatrical props to fake it all!
Of course, we mustn’t let down our guard. I wouldn’t believe for a second that what the ancient spooks wrote into their encrypted texts is always the truth. All they ever told us is lies. Much of what they say to each other behind the scenes may also be lies. Still, from today’s fake events we can see that this text may be close to the truth, about ancient spookery.
How to read the interlinear puns
- Each word is a block; each verse is a paragraph of little blocks. Blocks & text are always read left-to-right, as in English.
- Possible pun meaning is on light red at the top, with hyperlinked pun vocabulary just below.
- Original text is in the center.
- Official meaning is on light green at the bottom, with hyperlinked official vocabulary just above.
- Pun vocabulary is in red, whenever the meaning differs.
- Pun decryption is not an exact science. Please read the introduction, and judge yourself whether I got it right.
- An encrypted spook message does not automatically mean that the literal meaning is wrong, or that the encrypted meaning is the truth. Still, religious readers should proceed with care.
Preludes to the event
Suetonius claims that Caesar’s assassination was foretold by several omens
All of them seem to be puns with preparations for the fake event by the ancient spooks.
Divus Julius 81.a
Butsed but Sed sed but Butof Caesar’sCaesar Caesar Caesari Caesar Caesar of Caesar’sfuturefuturus future futura futurus future futurecutting down,caedo / caedes / caesurus cut, cut down caedes caedo / caedes / caesurus cut, cut down cutting down,realisticevidenter vividly, giving realistic impression euidentibus evidenter evidently, manifestly evidentcover-upspertego / pertegam / pertegis cover all over prodigiis prodigium / prodigiis prodigy, sign, omen omenscommandeddenuntio denounce, declare, command denuntiata denuntio denounce, declare, command declaredhad been.sum / est be est sum / est be had been.
Newly found artifacts
In this first omen, colonists in “Capua” “find” the tomb of “Capys”, plus vessels with a bronze tablet foretelling that his descendant would be killed by the “hand of blood-relatives”.
Capua puns with capa “cape”, capsa “capsule”, capio “cheating”. In fact, these words all seem related, derived from “holding”. Capys is probably again a pun with capsis “capsules”.
Since the words for “finding” and “inventing” are similar in Latin and other languages, it may be that the text really describes how the ancient spooks “invented” some theatrical prop in preparation for the fake assassination. If it involves actual “vessels” and a “bronze tablet”, it may be that they filled up tiny vessels or capsules beneath the victim’s clothing with red paint, and provided a bronze plate as protection. A fake attack could then cut the vessels, produce the “blood”, and the fake victim would be protected by the plate.
The other puns support this, and it’s actually used later in the story, so the use of moulage in fake events may be a very ancient trick.
Divus Julius 81.b
A fewpaucus few paucos paucus few A fewbeforeante before ante ante before beforemonths,mensis month menses mensis month months,whencum with, when cum cum with, when wheninin in in in in inartificialcalumnia trickery, artifice, sham, pretenses colonia colonia colony the colonycloakings / deceptionscapa cape, cloak capio cheat, deceive Capua Capua Capua Capuawere broughtdeduco lead away, bring out deducti deduco lead away, bring out were broughtto gatherlego gather, collect lege lego gather, collect to gatherthe mockilludo / illusus / illusi mock, ridicule Iulia Iulius Julius the Julianpretenders,calumnia trickery, artifice, sham, pretenses coloni colonus / coloni colonist colonists,[in order] toad to ad ad to [in order] tobuild upexstruo build, construct extruendas exstruo build, construct buildveils,velum / vela veil, curtain, covering uillas villa / villum villa, farm villas,[some] coveringvestis veil, curtain, covering uetustissima vetustus aged, old [some] ancientsupplies / tricks [???]suppleo supply sublino / sublevi befool, cheat -crum (diminutive suffix) sepulcra sepulcrum sepulchre, tomb sepelio bury -crum (diminutive suffix) tombs[they] designed,designo design, plan, scheme dissicerent disseco dissect, open by force [they] broke apart,and they [?]is he, it -que and idque is he, it -que and and they [?][were] thereeo there eo eo there [were] thereeagerstudiosus studious, eager, fond studiosius studiosus studious, eager, fond eagerbuilding [them],facio do, make, build facerent facio do, make, build doing [it],asquod because, which quod quod because, which assomealiquantum some aliquantum aliquantum some somesmall vessels [??]vasculum small vessel uasculorum vasculum small vessel small vessels[were] filled / coveredoperio / operis cover oppleo / oppleris fill up, cover operis opus / operis work, labor workedbefore thatante before qui that antiqui antiquus / antiqui ancient [and] ancientin secretsecretus secret secreto secretly scruta trumpery scrutantes scrutor scrutinize, search, examine [they] examinedwith red [paint?]ruber red, painted red reperiebant reperio find, find out, invent, meet with [and] found,[and] a boardtabula tablet, board, document tabula tabula tablet, board, document [and] a tabletof bronzeaeneus copper, bronze aenea aeneus copper, bronze of bronzeforin in, into, on, for in in in, into, on, for insideprotection,munimentum / munimento protection monimento monimentum / monimento monument a monument,onin in, into, on, for in in in, into, on, for inwhichqui / quo which quo qui / quo which whichdeceptively [??]decipio / decipietur deceive, beguile dicebatur dico / dicebatur say, speak was saidthe satchels / capsulescapsa / capsis box, case, satchel Capys Capys Capys Capysconstructedcondo / conditur build, construct conditor conditor builder, founder the founder[as a] container / deception [??]capio contain, cheat, deceive Capuae Capua Capua of Capua[were] supplied [?],suppleo / suppletus supply, supplement sublino / sublitus befool, cheat sepultus sepelio / sepultus bury [to be] buried,was invented,inventio / inventa invention, plan inuenta invenio / inventa find was found,and it wasest is est est is and it waswritten / drawn up / described [?]describo / descripta describe, write down conscripta conscribo / conscripta write down, draw up, compose writtenin letterslittera / litteris letter litteris littera / litteris letter in lettersand wordsverbum / verbis word uerbisque verbum / verbis word and words[by] the company / crew [???]grex / gregis company, crew Graecis Graecus / Graecis Greek in Greekthushac here, so, thus hac hac here, so, thus thus[for] this purpose:sententia will, purpose sententia sententia sentence, judgement, will the sentence:Whenquandoque whenever quandoque quandoque whenever Whenusedutor / usus / usu use ossa ossum / ossa / osso bone the bonesthe bags / satchels [??]capsa / capsis box, case, satchel Capyis Capys Capys of Capysto be uncovered / exposeddetego / detecta unsheathe, remove detecta detego / detecta detect, uncover, expose, reveal uncoveredare,essent are essent essent are are,will besum / fore be, will be fore sum / fore be, will be will bethatut as, that ut ut as, that thatheille that, he illo ille that, he his[who] is familiar with [it]pro before gnosco / gnotus know, learn, familar prognatus prognatus born, descended pro before gnatus child descendant[can] shed / flow / pour forthmano / mana shed, flow, pour forth manu manus / manu hand [by] the handwith bloodcon- with sanguineus of blood consanguineorum consanguineus same blood, related by blood [of his] blood-relatives[in] trickerynugor / nugaretur jest, trick, cheat necaretur neco / necaretur kill, murder will be killedpowerfully,magnus powerful, extensive, strong magnisque magnus great and very / greatly [??][and] thenmox soon, directly, then mox mox soon, directly, then soon[it is] usefule / helpfulutilis / utilia useful, helpful utilitas utility Italiae Italia Italy [in] Italy[so that] calamity / mischiefclades / cladibus mischief cladibus clades / cladibus calamity, disaster disasters[is] claimed / vindicated.vindico claim, assume, protect uindicaretur vindico vindicate, punish, avenge will avenge [him].
Not invented by (just) anybody
Here they say that these things were not invented by anybody.
The joke seems to be that it was not just anybody, but top-level ancient spooks: The auctor “author” of this fake event was actually a professional actor “actor”!
Divus Julius 81.c
[And] thesecuius who, what, which cuius cuius who, what, which [And] theseobjects / things / storiesres / rei thing, object, story rei res / rei matter, affair affairs[are] notne not ne ne not [are] not[what just] anybodyquis someone, anyone quis quis someone, anyone [what] somebodyplay-enactedfabula story, play fabulosam fabulosus fabulous fabled uporaut or aut aut or orinvented,commenticius thought out, fabricated, invented commenticiam commenticius thought out, fabricated, invented invented[but professionally] arrangedputo / putet arrange, settle putet puto / putet suspect, consider, suppose [to be] suspected,by a theatrical actoractor actor, performer in theatrical play auctor auctor author, originator [but] the originator[who] wasest is est est is wasCorneliusCornelius Cornelius Cornelius Cornelius Cornelius CorneliusBalbus,Balbus Balbus Balbus Balbus Balbus Balbus,an intimate [friend]familiaris of a house, private familiarissimus familiaris of a house, private an intimate [friend]of Caesar.Caesar Caesar Caesaris Caesar Caesar of Caesar.
The flocks roaming about
In this paragraph, Caesar’s “horses” who had “crossed” the “Rubicon” start to “weep”.
The encrypted story seems to be about crisis actors rehearsing with Caesar: equorum “horses” puns with aeqorum “equal”. traiciendo “crossing” puns with tricando “playing tricks”. And flere “weeping” puns with fallere “tricking”. So it seems the spooks were rehearsing their theatrical tricks. The pun of pertinacissimus pabulo “persevering [to refuse] food” may be with praetens-issimus popello “pretended common people”, i.e. crisis actors playing “the crowd”. The “Rubicon” could again stand for red paint, but the word that best fits the context is urbaniciani “urban”, i.e. the crisis actors pretending to be urban citizens.
The diviner Spurinna appears as a pun with spurius “spurious”, already decrypted by Miles. Her divination about the Martias Idus “middle of the month March” seems to be a pun with mortis idos “appearing to be dead”, i.e. Ceasar’s acting. The periculum “trial” that the diviner warns him about, may stand for an actual “trial” or “test”, i.e. his rehearsal.
Note how the literal story aimlessly jumps from horses, to divination, to birds. But the pun-encrypted story fits together seamlessly: The crisis actors rehearse together with Caesar and applaud him!
Divus Julius 81.d
The nextproximus nearest, next proximis proximus nearest, next The nextday,dies / diebus day diebus dies / diebus day day,[people] like / equal toaequus / aequorum equal, like equorum equus / equorum horse the horsesa crowdgrex crowd, group of people, troupe of actors greges grex flock, swarm [of] the flock [herd?],whichqui who, which quos qui who, which whichwhilein in in in in whileplaying as a tricktrico / tricando play tricks traiciendo traicio / traiciendo cause to go across crossingto be urban [???]urbicus / urbicorum city, civic urbanicianus / urbaniciani city-garrisoned Rubiconi Rubicon Rubicon robus red rufus red rufesco redden the Rubiconservants / subjects [?]famulus / famuli servant, slave, subject flumini flumen / flumini river riverin jest [???]con- with scurra jester, joker, clown consecrarat consecro consecrate, set apart he had consecrated,andac and ac ac and and[who were] roaming aboutvagus roaming, vagrant uagos vagus roaming, vagrant [who were] roaming aboutandet and et et and andwithoutsine without sine sine without withouthaving been seencustodio guard, watch, observe custode custodio guard, watch, observe being overseen[had been] send out,dimitto send out, scatter dimiserat dimitto send out, scatter [had been] send out,[they] appearedcompareo visible, appear comperit comperio find out [they were] found out[while] pretending [to be]praetendo / praetensus pretend -issimus (superlative) pertinacissime pertinacissimus persevering pertendo persevere [to have] tenaciouslycommon people,populus / populo people popellus / popello common people pabulo pabulum / pabulo food, fodder the food[and in] show / pretenceobtineo show obtentus pretence, veil abstinere abstineo abstain, keep off refused,verbatimverbatim verbatim, word for word ubertimque ubertim abundantly [and] abundantly[enacted] the deception.fallo / fallere deceive, trick flere fleo / flere weep, cry wept & cried.Andet and et et and And[when] emulating,aemulo emulate, imitate immolantem immolo immolate, sacrifice [when he was??] sacrificing,the sight [was] horrifichorreo dread, frightful specio / spex look at, see haruspex haruspex diviner hira gut specio / spex look at, see the soothsayer[yet] spurious,spurius / spurio spurious, false Spurinna Spurinna Spurinna Spurinna[he?] was painted red [??]minio paint red, colored red monuit moneo admonish, advise, warn warned him[and] lied downcubo / cubaret lie down caueret caveo / caveret take care, beware, avoid to beware[in] a trial / attemptpericulum experiment, trial, attempt periculum periculum peril, danger of a peril,whichqui who, which quod qui who, which which[would] notnon not non non not [would] notbe over [until]ultra past, over ultra ultra past, over be over [until]of deathmortis death Martias Martius of Mars [of] the month Marchthe appearanceidos form, shape, appearance Idus idus ides, middle of month the middle[was] shown / presented.profero produce, appear, present, show oneself proferretur profero bring out, bring forth had come.The day beforepridie day before pridie pridie day before [On] the day beforealso,autem also autem autem also also,the same [people?]idem the same easdem idem the same [on] the same [day?]in [his] form / appearanceidos form, shape, appearance Idus idus ides, middle of month in the middle of the month,applaudedovo / ovem rejoice, applaud auem avis / avem bird a birdthe rulerregalis royal regulus ruler regaliolum regaliolus wren, (small bird) wrenatcum with cum cum with with[his] ghostlylarvalis ghostly laureo laureus of laurel a laurelmischivous deed [??],res / re deed, affair malus mischievous ramulo ramulus twig, sprig twig[when?] pompously [?]pomposus pompous pompaticus showy Pompeianae Pompeius Pompey into the Pompeianand elaborately [?]curiosus elaborate, complicated curiae curia court courthe himselfse himself, itself se se himself, itself itselfinflicted [it],infero cause, inflict inferentem infero bring in came in,and vulgar [people]vulgaris common, vulgar uolucres volucris bird [and other] birdsof variousvarius various uarii varius various of variousstocksgens people generis genus race, type sortsout ofex out of ex ex out of out ofthe nearestproximus nearest proximo proximus nearest the nearestpopulationnumerosus populous, of many people nemore nemus / nemore grove, glade grovewere imitatedpersequor imitate persecutae persequor follow, pursue persued[by] the sameibidem in that place ibidem ibidem in that place the sameplan / description.descriptio plan, description discerpserunt discerpo rend, mangle, mutilate [and] mutilated [it].
The night before
Here, Caesar has a dream of himself “flying” in the “clouds”. nubes “clouds” puns with nubes “veiling”, and volitare “flying” puns with velator “veil”. So he probably veils himself with a veil. Perhaps it’s a literal veil, i.e. he pratices lying beneath a shroud, pretending to be dead. The other words support this.
Then his wife imagines he fell from the top of their “marital” house, and him being “stabbed”. maritum “marital” puns with mortium “mortal”, and confodio “stabbing” puns with confundo “confounding”. So Caesar may have practiced the trick on his wife, who really imagined he was dead. I don’t quite believe this one though: Partners of spooks should know after some time that their spouses are up to mischief every day.
Divus Julius 81.e
Thatis / ea he, she, it ea is / ea he, she, it Thatveryverus actual, right uero verus actual, right verynight,nox / nocte night nocte nox / nocte night night,whichcui who, which cui cui who, which whichdawnedinlucesco begin to dawn inluxit inlucesco begin to dawn dawned[to] the daydies day dies dies day [to] the day[when he was] to be felledcaedo cut, hew, fell caedis caedo cut, hew, fell [when he was] to be felledalsoet and et et and alsojust heipse just, himself ipse ipse just, himself heto himselfsui / sibi of himself sibi sui / sibi of himself to himselfmade [such] an appearance,video / visus be seen, appear uisus video / visus see, perceive was seen,[it] wassum / est be est sum / est be beingbyper through, by per per through, by by[lying] quietlyquies quiet, calm, keeping still quietem quies quiet, calm, keeping still quietlyfor some timeinterdum for some time interdum interdum for some time for some time[having] above [him?]supra above, over supra supra above, over abovea veilnubo / nubes cover, veil nubes nubes cloud, concealment the cloudsveiling [him].velo / velato / velator veil vallo / vallito / vallator surround uolitare volito / volitare fly about flying,[And in] another [night]alius / alias another, other, different alias alius / alias another, other, different [and in] another [night]whencum when cum cum when thatby assistantsiuvo / iuves help, assist Ioue Iovis Jupiter [with] Jupiterskillfuldexter skillful, proper dextram dexter right, right hand [at] the right hand[he was] joined.iungo join, unite iungere iungo join, unite [he was] joined.And [even]et and et et and AndCalpurniaCalpurnia Calpurnia Calpurnia Calpurnia Calpurnia Calpurnia[his] wifeuxor wife, consort uxor uxor wife, consort [his] wifeimaginedimaginatus imagine imaginata imaginatus imagine had imagined[that he] had [really]sum / est be est sum / est be [that there] wasfallen down [??]collabor / conlabi collapse, fall in conlabi collabor / conlabi collapse, fall in falling down[from] the topfastigium top, gable, sharp point fastigium fastigium top, gable, sharp point the topof the housedomus house domus domus house of the house[to his] death,mors / mortium death, corpse maritumque maritus / maritum marital of her marriage,[and even] inin in, into, for in in in, into, for [and] in[her] lapgremium lap, bosom, female genital parts gremio gremium lap, bosom, female genital parts [her] lap[having] hersuus / suo his, her, its suo suus / suo his, her, its heconfoundedconfundo confound, confuse confodi confodio damage, stab, pierce was [lying] stabbed,[by]ac and ac ac and andassuming a form [of death?]subeo / subito enter stealthily, come secretly, assume a form subito subeo / subito enter, suddenly suddenlyin the bedchambercubiculum bedchamber cubiculi cubiculum bedchamber in the bedchamberat the doorsforis door, gate fores foris door, gate the doorsspontaneouslysponte willingly, spontaneously sponte sponte willingly, spontaneously on their own will[he] could.possum / potes / potui can, able patuerunt pateo / pates / patui open opened.
No delay allowed
This paragraph works even without punnery: Caesar ponders to delay the event, but Brutus convinces him not to. The only necessary pun is of propono “propose [before the senate]” with propono “display [before the senate]”. It’s actually the same word in another meaning.
Divus Julius 81.f
Untoob to Ob ob to Unto[all] thishic / haec here haec hic / haec here [all] thistogether,simul same time, simultaneous simul simul same time, simultaneous together,andet and et et and anduntoob to ob ob to unto[his] infirminfirmus infirm, weak infirmam infirmus infirm, weak [his] infirmhealth,valetudo habit, state of body, health ualitudinem valetudo habit, state of body, health health,for a whilediu a while diu diu a while for a while[he] was in doubtcunctor / cunctatus delay, hesitate, doubt cunctatus cunctor / cunctatus delay, hesitate, doubt [he] was in doubtwhetheran or whether an an or whether whether[he should] himselfse himself se se himself [he should] himselfkeep safe,contineo contain, hold, keep safe, enclose contineret contineo contain, hold, keep safe, enclose keep safe,andet and et et and and[for] that whichqui / quae who, which, what quae qui / quae who, which, what [for] that whichbeforeapud among, before apud apud among, before beforethe senatesenatus senate senatum senatus senate the senatehe would displaypropono / proposuerat expose to view, represent, display proposuerat propono / proposuerat propose he would proposemakeago / agere do, make, act agere ago / agere do, make, act makea deferral.differo defer, separate differret differo defer, separate a deferral.[But] finally,tandem finally tandem tandem finally [But] finally,DecimusDecimus Decimus Decimo Decimus Decimus DecimusBrutusBrutus Brutus Bruto Brutus Brutus Brutusencouraged [him]adhortor stimulate, encourage adhortante adhortor stimulate, encourage encouraged [him]notne not ne ne not notthe many people [??]frequens frequent, crowded, populous frequentis frequens frequent, crowded, populous the crowded [??]andac and ac ac and andnowiam already, now, soon iam iam already, now, soon nowfor a timedudum short time ago dudum dudum short time ago for a timeworking / operation [??]operatio operation, activity opertus covered opperientis opperior wait, await waiting [senate?]to disappoint.destituo leave, disappoint destitueret destituo leave, disappoint to disappoint.
A leaflet in his hand
This paragraph also works with very little punnery: Someone hands Caesar a leaflet describing the “plot”, but he just puts it together with other documents, to read it later. The surface story is strange: Who would do this, and how would the author even know? But it may have been a leaflet describing the “plot of the theatrical play” he was about to perform. He holds it with other papers to conceal it.
The spretus “separated [entrails]” may hint at “separating off” the senate, so that no commoners could disturb the spooks. Such separations, with spookling bouncers and the like, are still used today.
Spurinna appears again as a pun with spurius “spurious”, as does the Martias Idus, with mortis idos “appearing to be dead”.
Divus Julius 81.g
[So at] fivequintus fifth quinta quintus fifth [So at] fivenearlyfere nearly fere fere nearly nearlyat the hourhora hour hora hora hour at the hour[he] proceededprogressus progress, proceed progressus progressus progress, proceed [he] proceededbeing [having]est is est est is being [having]a leafletlibellus little book, leaflet, petition libellumque libellus little book, leaflet, petition a leafletof the deception / artificeinsidiosus cunning, deceitful insidiarum insidia / insidiae artifice, ambush, plot of the plotbeing given in brief hints,indico point out, declare, give hint, state briefly indicem indico point out, reveal, uncover being revealed,fromab from, by ab ab from, by bypreventingobvio prevent obuio obvio meet having metsomeone [on the way]quidam someone quodam quidam someone someone [on the way]piercing / disturbing [it all]perago pierce, harass, disturb porrectum porrigo spread out, offer [who] offered [it],[with] the leafletslibellus little book, leaflet, petition libellis libellus little book, leaflet, petition [with] the leafletsothersceterus the other, rest ceteris ceterus the other, rest otherswhich [he had]qui / quos which quos qui / quos which which [he had]in his leftsinister left sinistra sinister left in his lefthandmanus hand manu manus hand handhe held [it]teneo hold, possess tenebat teneo hold, possess he held [it]as ifquasi as if, like quasi quasi as if, like as ifsoonmox soon mox mox soon soonhe would read [them]lecturus read, recite lecturus lecturus read, recite he would read [them]combined.commisceo join, combine commiscuit commisceo join, combine combined.Thendeinde then, next dein deinde then, next Thenmoreplus / pluribus more pluribus plus / pluribus more moretricksastus / astui craft, guile, tricks astutia / astutiis cunning trick hostiis hostia / hostiis sacrifice sacrificeswere used together [?]co- together usus use caesis caesus cut, felled were cut openatcum with, at cum cum when whenthe sides,latus / latera side, flank lateralis lateral litare lito / litare make an offering, obtain omen obtaining omens,[so] nonenon not non non not [but] nonewas ablepossum / posset can, able posset possum / posset can, able [said he] couldto enterintroeo enter introiit introeo enter enterthe [senate] courtcuria / curiam court, senate curiam curia / curiam court, senate the [senate] court[which] was separatedsperno / spretus separate, reject, scorn spreta sperno / spretus sever [in] the severed [entrails?]scrupulously.religiosus scrupulous religione religiosus religious, sacred sacred.[For] the falsespurio spurious, false Spurinnamque Spurinna Spurinna Spurinnamockery,irrideo laugh at, mock irridens irrideo laugh at, mock [he] laughed at,andet and et et and andbecause [of]ut as, like, that, because, although ut ut as, like, that, because, although at thatthe falsefalsum falsehood, deceit, lie falsum falsum falsehood, deceit, lie of lyingshow,arguo declare, show, accuse, blame arguens arguo declare, show, accuse, blame accused [her?],becausequod which, because quod quod which, because because[even] withoutsine without sine sine without withoutanyullus any ulla ullus any any[of] itssua hers sua sua hers [of] herharmful [events],noxa hurt, harm noxa noxa hurt, harm harmful [events]the appearanceidos form, shape, appearance Idus idus ides, middle of month the Idesof deathmortis death Martiae Martius of Mars of Mars[would still?] be present.adsum / adesse present adessent adsum / adesse present was present.Althoughquamquam although quanquam quamquam although But[of] itis he, she, it is is he, she, it [of] it[there could still] comevenio / venisse come uenisse venio / venisse come [there would still] comesomeonequidam someone, something quidem quidam someone, something somethinggoing [in?]eo / eas go, proceed, follow eas eo / eas go, proceed, follow following[it was] said,dice / diceret say diceret dice / diceret say [she] said,butsed but sed sed but butnot [yet]non not non non not not [yet][had anything] been seen.pareo / pareto / paretur appear, visible, apparent, be seen praeterisse praetereo go by, omit, pass, miss [has it] passed.
Assuming one’s part
Here, Tillius Cimber is said to be the first to partes susceperat “assume his part” in the assassination. But that expression also means to “assume a part” in a theatrical play. He also “gestures” to Caesar beforehand, which is absolutely not what an assassin would do. But a fellow actor in a staged play would!
Divus Julius 82.a
[As he] sat down,assideo sit down before assidentem assideo sit down before [As he] sat down,the spurners [mockers??]con- with sperno / spretus / spreti spurn, scorn conspirati conspiratus conspiring, agreement, harmony the conspirators[for] the viewspecies sight, look, view, appearance specie species sight, look, view, appearance [in] appearanceto block / impedeofficio / offici obstruct, hinder, block officii officium / officii service, favor, courtesy of a courtesy [greetings]stood around [him].circumsto stand around circumsteterunt circumsto stand around stood around [him].Thenilico there ilicoque ilico there ThenCimberCimber Cimber Cimber Cimber Cimber CimberTilliusTillius Tillius Tillius Tillius Tillius Tillius,whoqui who qui qui who whofirstprimas first primas primas first first[his] theatrical rolepars / partes character in theater partes pars / partes part, piece [his] partassumed,suscipio assume susceptor entertainer susceperat suscipio take up assumed,as ifquasi as if, like quasi quasi as if, like as if[he had] somethingaliquis something aliquid aliquis something [he had] somethingto quarrel about,rixor / rixatus quarrel, brawl rogaturus rogo / rogaturus interrogate, ask to ask,nearerpropior / propius nearer propius propior / propius nearer nearerapproached [him].accedo / accessit go toward, approach accessit accedo / accessit go toward, approach approached [him].[He] announced [it]renuntio renounce, announce, report renuentique renuens / renuenti refusing, declining [But he] declinedandet and et et and andgestured [him]gestus / gestum gesture gestum gestus / gestum gesture gestured [to him][to] inin in in in in [to ask] atmockeryalludo jest, mocking allusion illudo mock aliud alius / aliud another, else some otherattempt [??]tempto test, try adtempto attempt, try tempus tempus time, occasion timethe distraction / confounding [??].differo confound, distract differenti differo differ, different different.
Only an appearance
After having “gestured” to Caesar, Tillius now seizes him at both shoulders. This is also ridiculous: Real assassins would try to stab their victim unnoticed from behind, and then leave. No one interferes, because as in all fake assassinations, the world’s richest people have no bodyguard, and government buildings are also unguarded.
Caesar then exclaims: quidem vis est “this is an assault”, which puns with quidem visus est “this is [only] an appearance”! The vulnerat “wounding” afterwards may be a pun with velarat “veiling” / “covering”, so that Caesar can use the theatrical props.
Divus Julius 82.b
Onab from ab ab from Onboth [sides]uterque / utroque both utroque uterque / utroque both both [sides][of] the shouldersumerus upper arm, shoulder umero umerus upper arm, shoulder [of] the shoulders[by] the togatoga toga togam toga toga [by] the toga[he] seized [him].apprehendo / apprehendit seize, apprehend adprehendit apprehendo / apprehendit seize, apprehend [he] seized [him].Thendeinde then, next deinde deinde then, next Then[he] called out:clamo call clamantem clamo call [he] called out:Thisiste / ista that, he ista iste / ista that, he Thisin factquidem indeed, in fact quidem quidem indeed, in fact in fact[only] an appearancevideo / visus / visu see, be seen, seem, appear uis vis strength, violence, assault an assaultis!sum / est be est!' !sum / est be is!Onealter one, another alter alter one, another Oneofex / e out of e ex / e out of of[the] Casca [family]Casca Casca Cascis Casca Casca [the] Casca [family][from] the other side [?]aversus / aversum averse, facing away, rear auersum aversus / aversum averse, facing away, rear [from] the other side [?]covered [him]velo / velarat veil, conceal, cover uulnerat vulnero / vulnerat wound, injure, hurt wounded [him]a littlepaulus / paulum little paulum paulus / paulum little a littleunderinfra below infra infra below under[another] angle [??].angulus / angulum angle, out-of-the-way spot iugulum iugulum collarbone the collarbone.
Stabbing with the stylus
Caesar stabs an attacker in the arm with his stylus. This seems to be the only moment of toughness & defense the author has granted him here.
If the stabbing with the stylus is not a pun, then this may be how the bags filled with red paint are used, which were introduced before: You puncture them with a sharp object, and the red paint will leak out!
The only word I found that’s somewhat close to brachium “arm” and means “bag” is pera. You could add the suffix -cum or -culum to get the C.
The rest fits very well: prosilio means “leaping forward”, but also “gushing forward”, like fake blood.
Divus Julius 82.c
[Then] CaesarCaesar Caesar Caesar Caesar Caesar [Then] Caesara hiddencaecus / caecis / caeca hidden, secret, concealed Cascae Casca Casca [of] Cascabag / satchel / wallet [???]pera bag, satchel -cum (suffix) perula little wallet peracula little bag brachium brachium lower arm, forearm the forearmseizedarreptus seized, arrested arreptum arreptus seized, arrested seized[and with his] graphic stylusgraphium stylus, pen graphio graphium stylus, pen [and with his] graphic stylusstabbed [it].traicio stab, pierce traiecit traicio stab, pierce stabbed [it].Similarconnatus twin, similar, alike conatusque conatus attempt, effort In an effortto gushing outprosilio gush out prosilire prosilio leap, rush, jump to leap [away]playing / mockingalludo / allusi jest, mocking allusion alio alius / aliud / alio another, different [by] anothera woundingvulnero wound, injure, hurt uulnere vulnero wound, injure, hurt woundingdeliberately [??]tardus slow, measured, deliberate tardatus tardo retard, hinder hindered[it] was.sum / est be est sum / est be [he] was.
Going down in style
Caesar covers his nether regions with his toga before he falls down to die. Is this what a real conqueror would do in his last moment?
Very little punnery is needed here, as the paragraph already reads like a staged play. Only the strictis pugionibus peti “tightly with daggers attacked” would be a pun with strictim pingebas pateo “superficially painted extensively” (grammar may be wrong).
Divus Julius 82.d
As [he]ut as, how utque ut as, how As [he]noticed [that]animadverto attend, notice animaduertit animadverto attend, notice noticed [that]from all sidesundique from all sides, completely undique undique from all sides, completely from all sideshimselfse himself se se himself himselfsuperficiallystrictim superficially, cursorily strictis strictus / strictis tight, close tightlywas painted / coloredpingo / pingebas paint, color, deceptive -es / -ibus (suffix) pugionibus pugio / pugionibus dagger [was with] daggersextensively,pateo / pate open, extend peti peto seek, aim at, attack aimed for,[with his] togatoga toga toga toga toga [with his] toga[his] headcaput head caput caput head [his] headhe covered,obvolvo wrap around, cover all over obuoluit obvolvo wrap around, cover all over he covered,simutaneouslysimul simultaneously simul simul simultaneously simutaneously[with his] leftsinister left sinistra sinister left [with his] lefthandmanus hand manu manus hand handthe folds [of his toga]sinus / sinum fold, garment, hanging toga sinum sinus / sinum fold, garment, hanging toga the folds [of his toga]toad to ad ad to tohis lowerimus lowest ima imus lowest his lowerlegscrus / crura leg crura crus / crura leg legshe drew,deduco draw out, draw down deduxit deduco draw out, draw down he drew,so thatquo so that quo quo so that so thatmore handsomelyhonestus decent, handsome honestius honestior / honestius honorable more honorable[he would] fallcado fall caderet cado fall [he would] fall[with] stilletiam yet, still etiam etiam yet, still [with] still[his] lowerinfero produce, carry in, throw upon, apply inferiore inferus below, lower [his] lowerbodycorpus body corporis corpus body bodypartspars part parte pars part partscovered.velo / velata veil, cover uelata velo / velata veil, cover covered.
Et tu, Brute?
This is the famous dying Caesar quote, spoken to Brutus: “And you, child?” But according to the text, Caesar says it in Greek! The phrase already makes little sense, but how can the Greek make sense? My guess is that this part was copied from some Greek text, perhaps about another fake assassination, and the authors couldn’t make the punnery work in Latin!
This pun was actually the easiest: και συ τεκνον kai su teknon “and you, child” puns with χαζω τεχνην chazō technēn “retiring with a cunning trick”. Which is what this fake assassination is, plain & simple.
Note also the naughty pun hinting at their relationship.
Divus Julius 82.e
Andatque and atque atque and Andin this wayita therefore, in this way ita ita therefore, in this way in this way[with] agitationturbo / turbas / turbes disturb, agitate tribus tres / tribus three [with] threeandet and et et and andemptyvacans / vacanti emptying uiginti viginti twenty twentyimpressionsplaga web, trap, curtain, impression plagis plaga wound, strike wounds[he did] the confusion,confundo / confusu confound, confuse confossus confodio / confossus damage [he was] damaged,beingsum / est be est sum / est be being [having]onceunus / uno one uno unus / uno one onceonlymodo merely, only modo modo merely, only onlyinad to ad ad to atthe firstprimus first primum primus first the firstperformance actactus act, representation of a character, performance of play ictum ictus blow, stab blowof a comedy [???],comoedus / comoedo of comedy gemitu gemitus / gemitu sigh, groan groaned,[but] withoutsine without sine sine without [but] withoutany voice [part]vox / voce voice, sound uoce vox / voce voice, sound any [loud] soundperformed,edo / edito produce, perform, show edito edo / edito give out, bring forth emitted,althoughetsi although etsi etsi although althoughsaytrado / tradiderunt teach, narrate tradiderunt trado / tradiderunt teach, narrate saysome [that when]quidam someone quidam quidam someone some [that when]MarcusMarcus Marcus Marco Marcus Marcus MarcusBrutusBrutus Brutus Bruto Brutus Brutus Brutus[once?] rushed into [him] [!?!]inruo / inruent force way in, throw self on, enter eagerly in inrumo oral sex irruenti inruo / inruent attack, invade, rush into attacked [him],[he] said:dico say, talk dixisse dico say, talk [he] said:[I shall] retirechazō draw back, retire from kai su kai and su you Even you,[with a] cunning / subterfuge!technē / technēn art, craft, cunning, wile technazō cunning, art, subterfuge teknon? ?teknon child child?
Carried back home
Caesar lies there for a while, while nothing else happens, and is then just carried back home. This makes little sense for a crime inside the senate, but it does for a staged act.
Little punnery is needed here, only the dependente brachio “hanging arm” is odd. Maybe it’s to say the slaves were dependunte pretio “paid a price” for their silence. This might work, since in almost all other Romance languages but Latin (and in English), “price” is written with a C.
Divus Julius 82.f
[When] the crowdsexamen crowd, swarm, multitude exanimis exanimis dead, breathless [When he] was deadhad disperseddiffugio disperse, scatter diffugientibus diffugio disperse, scatter [and as] dispersedentirely,cunctus all, entire cunctis cunctus all, entire all [people,for a whilealiquamdiu for a while aliquamdiu aliquamdiu for a while for a whilehe liediaceo / iacuit lie down, lie still iacuit iaceo / iacuit lie down, lie still he lied,untildonec while, until donec donec while, until until[in a] palanquinlectica sedan, palanquin lecticae lectica sedan, palanquin [in a] palanquin[he] was placed,impono impose, put upon impositum impono impose, put upon [he] was placed,[having been] paid [?]dependo spend, pay dependente dependeo hang down [with a] hanginga bribe [??],pretium / pretio price, reward, bribe brachio brachium / brachio arm, forearm forearm,[by] threetres three tres tres three [by] threeslavesservolus slave seruoli servolus slave slavesof his housedomus house domum domus house of his house[who] brought [him] back.refero / rettulerunt bring back rettulerunt refero / rettulerunt bring back [who] brought [him] back.
None among them like this one
Here they claim that no wound was as deadly as that special one.
The punnery was hard to make out, but they probably mean that no staged act was excellent as this one (of course). The vulneribus “wounding” may be a pun with a compound term like velo-narratibus “veiled stories”, i.e. fake events.
Note the medico pun, which may explain the name of the Medici family!
Divus Julius 82.g
Notnec not nec nec not Notamongin in in in in amongthe manytot so many tot tot so many the manyveiled stories [???],velo veil narro narrate, tell narratus / narratibus narration, story uulneribus vulnero wound, injure, hurt wounds,there [was]ut where, that ut ut where, that that [was][so] excellentantesto / antestas superior, excel, surpass Antistius Antistius Antistius [of] Antistius[with] paint / color [??]medico dye with color medicus medicus medical, surgeon [his] surgeonthought to be [??]existimo estimate, think, judge, consider existimabat existimo estimate, think, judge, consider the estimate,deadlyletalis lethal, deadly, mortal letale letalis lethal, deadly, mortal [was] deadlyany oneullus / ullum any ullum ullus / ullum any any onefoundreperio find repertum reperio find foundto be,sum / est be est sum / est be to be,exceptnisi if not, unless nisi nisi if not, unless except[those] whichquod which, what quod quod which, what [that] which[had] adapted [?]secundo adjust, adapt secundo secundus / secundo second [was the] second,the [entire?] location [?]loco put, place, arrange loco locus / loco location, place [which] locatedintoin in, into in in in, into ina picture [??]pictura / picturae picture, painting pectore pectus / pectore breast the breastfor entertainment [??].accipio learn, entertain, understand acceperat accipio accept, receive [he] received.
A plan for the opportunity
Here the assassins plan to drag Caesar’s body into the Tiber, but then abandon the plan because they fear Caesar’s allies. That’s also ridiculous! Wouldn’t those allies hate them either way, because they, y’know, killed him?
The punnery is hard to make out, but the Tiberim “Tiber” may be an (anagram) pun with tribum “common people” who were duped here. The other phrases literally describe confiscation of wealth, so it seems faked events were used by the governing elites for public looting, then as now!
Divus Julius 82.h
[There also] wassum / fuerat be fuerat sum / fuerat be [There also] wasthe plananimus idea, intent, plan animus animus idea, intent, plan the planto convert [??]converto / convertis convert, transform coniuratis coniuratus conspirator, plotter [by] the conspirators[of his] killingcorporo make into a body, kill corpus corpus body [of his] bodythe opportunityoccasio occasion, pretext, opportunity occisi occisus felled, killed, slain slainintoin in, into in in in, into into[of] the lower classes [??]tribus / tribum tribe, mob, lower classes Tiberim Tiberis / Tiberim Tiber river the Tiber river[to be] plundered / swayed [??],traho / trahere plunder, squander, sway, win over, attract support trahere traho / trahere drag, pull to drag,[of] wealthbonus wealth, costly things bona bonus wealth, costly things [his] wealthto confiscate,publicatio publication, confiscation publicare publicatio publication, confiscation to confiscate,[of] administrative actsacta acts, transactions ago / actus administer, govern acta acta acts, transactions ago / actus administer, govern [his] administrative actsto rescind,rescindo rescind, abolish, annul rescindere rescindo rescind, abolish, annul to rescind,not to mention [?]sed but also, not to mention sed sed but but[it was] announcedmitto / mitte emit, guide, announce, report metu metus / metu fear, dread [for] fear[by] MarcusMarcus Marcus Marci Marcus Marcus [of] MarcusAntoniusAntonius Antonius Antoni Antonius Antonius Antoniusthe consul,consul consul consulis consul consul the consul,andet and et et and and[by] the mastermagister master magistri magister master [of] the masterof horsesequus horse equitum equus horse of horsesLepidus,Lepidus Lepidus Lepidi Lepidus Lepidus Lepidus,[as a] deception / cheat.destituo delude, deceive, cheat destiterunt destituo desert, abandon they abandoned [this].