Kohen

In a nutshell

• The name Kohen is used by many aristocrats, yet in the Semitic languages it mostly given as “priest”, written khn.
• However, the same title is also translated as “prince”, “ruler”, “officer”.
• In Aramaic the same spelling even means “enrichment”.
• The same root kwn also means “setting up” things, “directing” & “guiding”.
• As far as disguises go, the best explanation for Kohen as a popular spook name is that khn is a perfect anagram of knh, which means “name” and especially “nickname”. I assume all those spooks named Cohen in high positions really come from known aristocratic families, and have merely “nicknamed” themselves to conceal the rampant nepotism.

Cohen as a Jewish & aristocratic name

Wikipedia states that Cohen is a “very common Jewish surname” meaning “priest”, and lists several variants such as Cahn, Cohn, Kahn, Cowan, including heavily garbled ones like Kaner, Kagan. More are listed as Kohenitic surnames, which is explained as a subcategory of Levite surnames. Many more variants are unadmitted, such as Koon & Koons.

However, Cohen is also an aristocratic name: ThePeerage.com lists 274 people in the British peerage named Cohen, plus many name variants, as of June 2019.

• Cohen of Brighton (2)
• Cohen of Pimlico (1)
• Cohen (274)
• Cohn (3)
• Kahana (1)
• Kahane (4)
• Kahn (8)
• Kahnweiler (2)
• Kahny (22)
• Kohan (2)
• Kohn (1)
• Kuhn de Souza (2)
• Kuhn (9)

khn meaning “priest”, “prince”, “ruler”, “officer”

The word כהן khn kohen is universally translated as “priest”, with derivatives such as “priesthood” or “serving as priest”. No surprises so far.

But the same Biblical word kohen is in one instance translated as “officer”, and is listed in the dictionaries as such. This is also not very surprising, as priesthood has always been viewed simply as an administrative office by the aristocracy. In fact, modern dictionaries treat the “priest” as derived from the “officer” meaning. The “officer” is in turn derived from “standing”.

And while most translations stick to “priests”, it’s not uncommon for the kohanim to be translated into “princes”, “rulers”, “officers”. Most examples are found in the King James Version.

And Azariah the son of Nathan was over the officers and Zabud the son of Nathan was principal officer and the king’s friend.

KJV 1 Kings 4:5

ועזריהו בן־נתן על הנצבים וזבוד בן־נתן כהן רעה המלך

TNK 1 Kings 4:5

He leadeth princes away spoiled and overthroweth the mighty

KJV Job 12:19

מוליך כהנים שולל ואתנים יסלף

TNK Job 12:19

And Benaiah the son of Jehoiada was over both the Cherethites and the Pelethites; and David’s sons were chief rulers.

KJV 2 Samuel 8:18

ובניהו בן יהוידע והכרתי והפלתי ובני דוד כהנים היו

TNK 2 Samuel 8:18

khn meaning “enrichment” & “propaganda”

But oddly enough, the very same spelling כהן khn appears in Aramaic texts & dictionaries with a meaning of “being rich” & “enrichment”. This meaning does not fit well with the official image of an priest or officer. But for the spooks, all offices & titles seem to be mere vehicles for personal enrichment.

In modern Syriac, khn also has the meaning of “spreading” & “propaganda”. All these meanings, and the “priest”, are probably related through the base meaning of something or someone being “put up”, and thus “made larger”.

How did the priest end up being spelled like “enrichment” & “propaganda”? It may be a spook joke. But it may also be an actual etymology. Ernest Klein claims that both priest (or officer) and enrichment are further derived from כון kwn meaning “standing”: The priest as “standing before God”, and being rich as “standing well”.

I personally would rather go with Jastrow’s emphasis of the priest as a “stationed, standing officer”. Since כון kwn also means “set up” & “directed”, it would fit those governors that have been set up by “higher powers” to lord it over us.

כהן m.n. priest, ‘cohen’. [From כהן. cp. Aram. כָּהֲנָא, Syr. כָּהְנָא, Ethiop. kāhen (= priest), Arab. kāhin (= diviner, soothsayer). כֹּהֵן is prob. related to base כון (= to stand) and lit. denotes one who stands serving God. For this sense development cp. Arab. kāhana (= he assisted). For the interchangeability of ה and ו cp. Syr. כַּהִינָא (= rich, well-to-do), which according to some scholars derives from כון and lit. means ‘standing well’.] Derivatives: כהן, כֹּהֲנִי, כֹּהֶנֶת.

Klein Dictionary: כהן

kwn & hkwn for “directing”

The term כון kwn for “set up” & “direct” also has a wealth of meanings like “guiding”, “directing”, “giving orientation”, even “facial expression”, all derived from “standing” & “setting up” things.

In official language, כון kwn is very often used in passive & reflective forms, e.g. “he was directed” or “he directed his heart”. But that’s not what the spooks mean. Rather, they want to be the “directors” of us, their unwitting subjects.

That’s perhaps why many spooks call themselves HaKohen, and not just Kohen (compare Levi & HaLevi). The name HaKohen may stand for the H-prefixed active-causative Hif‘il form, which means “he actively causes others to be directed”, i.e. a director. Very close to this is the passive-causative Hof‘al form, which would mean “he is passively directed”, i.e. a theatrical actor.

The only “direction” term that’s not attested is the literal “director”, but maybe it was kept out of the dictionaries on purpose. Judging from the insane popularity of the name Cohen among literal directors of films or companies, this may be a main intended spook meaning: The Cohens likely pride themselves to be the natural-born cryptocratic “directors” of our society, directing us with their cheap theater.

• Peter Cohen, film director.
• Peter Cohn, film director.
• Peter Cohen, holding company director.
• Jennifer Cohen, athletic director.
• Yossi Cohen, Mossad director.
• Coen brothers, film directors.
• Etan Cohen, film director.
• Ross Cohen, film director.
• Larry Cohen, film director.
• Sacha Baron Cohen, film director.
• Ash Baron-Cohen, film director.
• Dan Baron Cohen, theater director.
• Danny Cohen, BBC director.
• Eli Cohen, film director.
• Gerry Cohen, film director.
• David Cohen, CIA deputy director.
• David Cohen, various tech companies’ director.
• Robert Cohen, theater director.
• Robert Cohen, TV show director.
• Bobby Cohen, film director.
• Andrew Cohen, film director.
• Hans Cohen, National Health Institute director.
• Jem Cohen, film director.
• Michael Cohen, International Affairs director.
• George Cohen, Federal Medication Service director.
• Matt Cohen, TV show director.
• Stephen Cohen, East–West Accord director.
• Donald Cohen, Child Study director.
• Richard Cohen, Health Sexuality director.
• Jared Cohen, Google Ideas director.
• Eliad Cohen, PR and event director.
• Aaron Cohen, counterterrorist soldier and film director.
• Julie Cohen, casting director.
• Sherm Cohen, cartoon director.

knh for “nickname”, “substitute name”, “title”, “rank”

The most spooky pun of כהן khn kohen is with כנה knh kunnah. It’s both near-homonymous and a perfect anagram. The meaning is “naming”, but with derivations such as “nickname”, “alternative name”, “substitute name”, even “reinterpreting by changing words”. Aristocrats giving themselves punny substitute names, to conceal that the world is eternally ruled by the same set of nepotist families, that is one of the most important aspects of spookery!

Another derivation of כנה knh is to have a big “name” in the sense of being “nominated” or “entitled”. This is probably the reason why so many peerage members use the name Cohen: It signifies that they’re “entitled”, but they won’t give us their real names (if they even have any under all that piled-up spookery).

This is hopefully the final puzzle piece for the spook name Cohen: Not only can the corrupt spooks pretend to be pious “priests”, with a word that also means “ruler” & “enrichment”. No, that name Cohen also puns with a term for “fake name”, which also means “entitlement”. If you’ve grown up so privileged that you’ve got nothing else to do than choosing your fake names, this is probably as close to fulfillment as you can get as a spook.